Eviction Notice

3 Day Notice to Leave by Choice or be Removed by Force Kicking and Screaming



Date: (09/12/2010)


Tenant's Name: Evelyn Oliver Hylton


Address of Rental Unit: 3025 Sarah Oliver Jones' Uterus 


This notice is to inform you that your actions have violated the following rules according to the terms of your rental agreement OR endangered the health and safety of another:


*As of Sept. 1st, 2010 you became full term and are a squatter as you have failed to pay your rent since January


* You have maliciously ignored your landlady's complaints multiple times of assault and battery


*You have gorged yourself fat and yet have not paid your fair share of grocery bills 


*You have endangered your landlady's health and well-being by making it impossible for her to get her precious beauty sleep 


*You have made your landlady's ability to go out into public without being attacked by hordes of screaming teenagers trying to touch her stomach impossible


You are hereby required to cease your violations and take any necessary corrective action within 3 THREE days.


If you fail to do so, legal proceedings will be instituted against you to recover the premises and any relevant damages and costs as allowed by the law.


Warning: 


Once the doctor begins the eviction, any rights the tenant thought she had are considered abandoned. The tenant does not have any right to re-enter the uterus or re-claim any property after the eviction begins. Any abandoned property may be disposed of by the landlady at any time after the eviction begins. The landlady is at liberty to spend the next 18 years of the tenant's life taking out her grievances for the past 9 months. These actions may consist of, but are not limited to: taking pictures of the tenant in silly outfits or no clothes at all; holding the tenant up in the air and singing "The Circle of Life"; blowing raspberries on the tenant's belly at a moments notice; refusing to speak to the tenant in an adult voice; and keeping a book of memorable quotes and pictures of awkward first dates to whip out in public. 


In short...

GET OUT!!!!!!

To read more about the Landlady kindly click HERE.