Literacy Wednesdays: Read a G*dd*mn Book *****The Colour of Magic*****

10 points to the House that correctly guesses which color it is!

For anyone who doesn't know us too well, Terry Pratchett is our all-time favorite author. One day, sophomore year of high school, we wandered into the library and we each checked out a book. I don't recall the book I checked out, it obviously wasn't life-changing, but Bry checked out Feet of Clay. She loved it. She wouldn't stop quoting the damn thing at me. We went back to the library and I found another book by the same author and decided to give it a try. I read Men at Arms. Honestly, I don't even remember what it was about (that having been eight years ago and all) but it was good enough to get me hooked as well. From there, Bry and I read every Terry Pratchett book that our tiny high school library had to offer us.

A very incapable wizard indeed.

Eventually, Bry and I managed to work out the simplest of things that was preventing us from fully enjoying the books: the order you read them in is kind of important. Most of the books are completely stand alone but everything makes a bit more sense if you start at Terry Pratchett's first discworld book and read forward. In that order you actually get to follow a few characters as they move up ranks in the guard or their budding relationship with a certain upper class lady. It is for this reason that we are highlighting Pratchett's FIRST discworld book and not our individual favorites. Those are to come later.

And now, a quote:

"There was, for example, the theory that A'Tuin had come from nowhere and would continue at a uniform crawl, or steady gait, into nowhere, for all time. This theory was popular among academics. An alternative, favoured by those of a religious persuasion, was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating, as were all the stars in the sky which were, obviously, also carried by giant turtles. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds. This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis."

For those of you who enjoy seeing the movie after the book, and not you people who see the movie first (horrible, horrible people) (Come to think of it, I've been that person more than once...), there is indeed a movie version of the Color of Magic! In fact, it is the Color of Magic and his second book, The Light Fantastic, all rolled into one. I would normally hate this idea but Terry Pratchett had his hand all over the making of the movie and even had a role in the movie! Watch it and see if you can find him.

Also, we're getting wary about lending out our poor, tattered copy of the Color of Magic but if you promise to take care of it we'll let you borrow it.

Try Again

As nobody seemed to notice, Bry and I forgot to post something on Wednesday. Whoops. Here's something to entertain you until this coming Wednesday. I wrote this as a writing exercise in my Dramatic Writing class.

JACKIE, 16 years old

PHIL, 16 years old

JACKIE

Phil, why are you wearing that?

PHIL

Because it looks cool?

JACKIE

Try again.

PHIL

I, uh, wanted to dress up for Halloween?

JACKIE

Halloween was Monday. Try again, Phil.

PHIL

Alright, alright! I have pink eye! Are you happy?

JACKIE

I already knew that, Phil.

PHIL

You already knew? How on earth could you already know?

JACKIE

Phil, you’re wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask. Not only does it only cover half of your face but it’s covering the side without pink eye. What the hell made you think that wearing that would hide the fact that you have pink eye?

PHIL

I was really just hoping that people would be so enamored with it that they wouldn’t realize...

After years of suffering from pink eye, he would eventually find a mask to better hide it.

Literacy Wednesdays: Read a G*dd*mn Book **The Faraday Girls**

Wednesdays were the night they were open until 8 PM!  Paaaarty!

The Redbud Library of Lake County, CA is a small but strong library.  The newest books are placed at the front in a proud display for a duration of time long enough to let everyone get a good peek at them.  One day I meandered by and picked up a new arrival: The Faraday Girls. 




It may look like a book for chicks, but that's because it is...


This book was published in 2007, but Lake County is always a little behind.  This book is aimed at young adults but written with a women's book club in mind.  "The Faraday Girls" follows the trials and tribulations of a family who emigrated from England to Australia.  Early on in the tale of their life, the reader follows the different view points of each family member.  This interesting take on the narrative allows us to see how each family member really feels about one another; it also allows us to have passages like this:

"It was like being in a film or playing at being a princess for a night, driving in a limousine through Manhattan in the hazy light.  Their first stop was the Algonquin Hotel for cocktails in the Blue Bar and then dinner in the Round Table Room.  Maggie had walked by the hotel several times over the past few weeks, peeping inside at the opulent lobby, the rich fabrics and leather, but never feeling confident enough to go inside.  It felt lovely to step inside now, with her grandfather beside her." p. 349

From another character's point of view we get: 

 "She'd present it to Clementine and Maggie on the little girl's fifth birthday.  It would be the perfect occasion.  She pictured Maggie's delight to see a whole scrapbook all about her, Clementine's graditude and amazement that Sadie had gone to so much trouble.  The others would be just as impressed, Sadie knew it.  She could hardly wait." p. 119

We looked good and hard to find a funny quote from the book, because we swear it does have some funny moments, but there weren't any that would stand alone without some background info on the characters and it has a lot of twists we didn't want to spoil.

READ THIS IF YOU ENJOY: chick flicks that don't solely revolve around sex.

This book can be summed up as a cross between When Harry Met Sally and Little Women because it follows a bunch of sisters through several decades.

Ask us if you want to borrow our well-loved (and hot chocolate stained) copy.

Literacy Wednesdays: Read a G*dd*mn Book **STARDUST**

It is quite possible that you are a fan of Neil Gaiman and unaware of it. Recognize this scene?

This is actually the first movie that Bry and I saw with David.

Among other things Neil Gaiman has written is the freakishly creepy Coraline. If you haven't seen Coraline, and if you haven't you NEED to, then perhaps you've seen the movie Stardust.

That's right, this is a picture of a star riding a freaking unicorn. 

And if you've seen Stardust then you know it's freaking fantastic, but did you know it's a book?

The Redbud Library back near our hometown had a free box near the front door.  The books and pamphlets you usually found in there were generally religious in nature, or very worn out.  One summer day I decided to brave the box and lo and behold there was Stardust.  A slightly used paperback, it shone up at me with pleading eyes: take me home.

It was brought home, it was read and it was deemed AMAZING.

This picture from vampire-knight.net does not accurately rate the awesomeness of this book.

Here are some awesome quotes to help persuade you to read this book:



“I knowed a man in Paphlagonia who'd swallow a live snake every morning, when he got up. He used to say, he was certain of one thing, that nothing worse would happen to him all day. 'Course they made him eat a bowlful of hairy centipedes before they hung him, so maybe that claim was a bit presumptive.” 







“He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times.” 






“And there was a voice, a high clear, female voice, which said "Ow", and then, very quietly, it said "Fuck", and then it said "Ow", once more.”






“He shivered. His coat was thin, and it was obvious he would not get his kiss, which he found puzzling. The manly heroes of the penny dreadfuls and shilling novels never had these problems getting kissed.”

Literacy Wednesdays: Read a G*dd*mn Book

More and more these days people are turning away from reading good, old-fashioned books and finding different outlets (video games, tv, staring off into space, etc.) for their short attention spans. I am here to advocate for the poor dusty guys getting left behind in the, well, dust. Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic when teachers assign lots of readings they post online so that you don't have to lug bulky, heavy books around (Who needs exercise, anyway?) but I hate sitting at my computer trying to read. It can't be done. My computer has games, pictures and the internet which frankly makes it impossible to do homework without distraction. Every time I sit down to do some assigned online reading I end up on here, Cracked, FML, Texts From Last Night and so forth. So, despite the extra weight in my backpack or arms, I will forever advocate the book.

I still hate textbooks, though. I'm really here to stand up for people reading enjoyable books.

 

You're literally NEVER too old to enjoy one of these.

 This being said, every Wednesday, or as I'm going to call it: "Literacy Wednesdays: Read a G*dd*amn Book Day", Bry and I will be putting up a book review or two on books you (Yes, YOU!) should read. If you've read it, leave a comment and let us know what you think of it.

First review to come next week.

Brilliant Idea

After attending a writing workshop I was inspired to start writing again. The only problem, because of course there's a problem, is that between school and work I have hardly any time to write. Boo. In rides the white knight of good ideas, however, and brings me my brilliant idea!

\

According to Google, White Knight is a character in a game or something.

After the white knight of ideas brings me my idea, I sit down in the only possible place I can write in my spare time (Bayshore Mall's food court) and begin my new story. It starts as follows:

She had never intended to leave the party with a stranger. A sexy stranger. Hell, she hadn't even been intending to stay long enough to finish a drink. It's not that she was a rude person by nature, she just never felt comfortable in a short dress and heels. She was a cop. Her uniform was more comforting to wear than a plush robe and slippers after a bubble bath. Her uniform came with a gun. She needed that sense of security by her side to feel safe.

This wasn't safe. Two drinks and a flirty conversation later, though, and here she was. his name was Jeff. or was it George? There was no subtle way to ask him now that she was in his apartment watching him strip off his shirt. His skin was tan and taught over his bulging muscles. He ripped his shoes from his feet and hopped onto his bed. He pulled down his pants, revealing the hard bulge beneath. She gasped at the size of his

"Jesus Christ!" she muttered under her breath. "What on earth made me think I could write like this? How does anybody write like this?!"

"Having trouble with your homework, dear?" asked a voice from the kitchen.

"I'm fine," she called back, shutting her notebook. In retrospect, trying to write a romance novel while visiting her grandmother should have struck her as a bad idea.

I think my shocked Grandma image might be an old man in drag...

Kittens and Hugs

I have ever more Dramatic Writing class things to share. These two are very short. The first prompt was to write a story in 100 words. I failed. I only made it 70 words in so I won't post it. The one after it was supposed to be a story in 30 words. The one after that was supposed to be a story in six words. Here are my stories with picture accompaniment:

The small child was playing with her new kitten in the driveway of her house. Her father came home from work and pulled into the driveway. Oops. No more kitten...

They hugged then parted ways forever.

Last Date

My latest assignment in my Dramatic Writing class was about burning bridges. We were supposed to write a scene where something happens and makes it so that nothing will ever be the same from that point on between the two characters.

Last Date

By Rachel Fix

WILLIAM, grad student, age 23

MARIE, grad student, age 23

                                                                                   (The scene opens on WILLIAM and 
                                                                                    MARIE in a  restaurant, laughing.)

WILLIAM

I really don't want to sound cliche but this has literally been the single best first date I've ever been on.

MARIE

No, I know exactly what you mean. It's that much more amazing that this was a blind date, too. And my first one at that! I was so worried. You could have been any old weirdo George is friends with.

WILLIAM

Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I guess I'm just full of cheese and cliches tonight but you have the most striking blue eyes.

MARIE

So do you, which is odd because I'm not normally attracted to other people with blue eyes.

WILLIAM

Me neither! I usually melt over green eyes. Gosh, we just have so much in common. Even our childhoods were similar. I never would have figured I'd meet someone else who was adopted.

MARIE

I'm the first for you? I've met plenty. The university I studied at for my bachelor's degree had a meeting about it once. They tried to get us all to be friends or something.

WILLIAM

Oh, so you're not originally from here either?

MARIE

Oh, no. I may not have a strong accent but I'm originally from New York.

WILLIAM

What a crazy random happenstance! That's where my birth mother was from. That's all I really know about her, though. I've always wanted to go to New York. Return to my roots and all. Is it pretty there?

MARIE

You know, you really do have the most striking blue eyes.

WILLIAM

Why thank you. I don't normally hear that a lot. They're so pale that a lot of people find them odd looking.So, is New York- I'm sorry, are you getting a call?

                                                                                (MARIE pulls her cell phone from her purse and uses                        

                                                                                the reflective screen to look at her face.)

MARIE

Such striking blue eyes.

WILLIAM

Well... yours are lovely, too?

MARIE

What did you say your birthday was?

WILLIAM

I don't believe I did.

MARIE

What day is it?

WILLIAM

You're scaring me...

MARIE

It's September 16th, isn't it?

WILLIAM

How did you know that? Did you steal my wallet?

MARIE

Don't you see?! Look at me. I'm the spitting image of you! Our birthday is the same day. Both of our birth mothers are from the same state. How is this not connecting in your head?

WILLIAM

You couldn't possibly be suggesting that we're...

MARIE

I think we are.

WILLIAM

Oh my God, I held your hand during the movie!

MARIE

There's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure brothers and sisters do that all the time.

WILLIAM

What about when you let me get to second base in the theater?

MARIE

That we're going to need therapy for.

Lots and lots of therapy.

Dramatic Writing is Dramatic

So, for those unaware, I am taking a Dramatic Writing class. Also for those unaware (read: me), Dramatic Writing does not involve writing dramatically. Okay, it CAN but it actually means writing plays. Or, in the case of my class, individual scenes.I find myself hilarious so I want to share some of the things I've written for class and during our writing exercises. Today, I wrote the following thingy as my writing exercise. The prompt was to write something that has to do with Superheros or Villains.


"You shall never defeat me! Muahahahaha!"


"Shut up, Derek. You're interrupting my teddy bear tea party."


"I said, 'You shall never defeat me!' That's when you're supposed to try to defeat me!"


"Tea. Par-ty. I'm busy. I don't have time to be King Booger Brains or whoever today. My tea is getting cold."


"You're not even drinking real tea, Thomas. Your cups are empty. And it's Captain Awesome but I'll call you King Booger Brains and tell dad you're playing with Sarah's bears again if you don't play with me."


"Play tea party with me or I'll tell dad you tried on mom's dresses and lipstick yesterday."


"...So, which cup is mine?"

Nonloxodromical Groaner

I was forced to make a video about myself for one of my classes.  Initially, the overwhelming possibilities of exactly HOW I wanted to portray myself left me thumbing through absolutely every photo of myself I could get a hold of.  Then, I remembered my Professor's words; she said that no one used awkward, ugly, embarrassing, or religious* photos.  I decided to use all of the above for my project.  Let's be honest, I am all of the above.  In the end, I opted to 'tell a story' since I don't exactly have a lot of my older photos in digital format.


*Disclaimer- the religious photos are of my wedding, which was non-religious... which is what I wanted.  This was because my husband and I have differing opinions on the almighty- he believes there isn't one, and I believe there are dozens of them.  I still believe that we had a religious ceremony, however, since I could feel an enormous sense of being watched.  That might have been because of the paying audience, though.

The End

It was final's week last just a few weeks ago and depending on where you were you might never have guessed it. I had just left my Poli Sci final when I almost bumped into someone in the bathroom. Considering it was finals week, I looked about as attractive as this: 

Except my hair was pulled back in ponytail and unwashed because who has
time for beauty when there are finals to pass?

The answer is this girl I almost bumped into. She must not have needed to study because she looked like this:

Granted, she wasn't actually Taylor Swift, but she was blonde, had perfectly
curled hair and more make up than I've ever worn.

That being said, the semester is over! Essays have been written, tests have been taken and classes have been passed. Time for summer! But before we break out the bathing suits and tan in the Humboldt sun (Hahaha, yeah right!), Bry and I would like to share some memorable quotes from our teachers. A week into this semester, I realized my English teacher was hilarious because he always had my whole class laughing. I started writing down as many funny things he said so I could share them. I managed to find a few moments to record in my French class as well. Here's what I spent the semester laughing to:


My English teacher's memorable quotes (a middle-aged man):


~ "How do you separate the heart from the rest of the body?"
   "With a scalpel" (A student's quiet response.)


~ "You're talking to the king of lazy people."


~ "Well, if you want to be an asshole, go ahead."


~ "OMG, this thing, unlike my bicycle manual, has meaning!" (In reference to what makes literature literature.)


~ "Well, you're obviously an oddball. Just like me!"


~ "Any good acid-takers will tell you..."


~ "She's a witch. She's a tool of Satan."


~ "That sticks in my craw. I sound, like, 90!"


~ "Alright, well, I surfed the internet for porn for six hours, not seven."


~ "There's the perfect analogy. You snort the line of coke but then you don't rub your teeth afterwards. And then you turn to everybody and say, "You're a bunch of coke-heads ad I want nothing to do with you!"


~ "...or if she had anything wrong with her, she was a filthy whore."


~ "Rush Limbaugh went into rehab for hillbilly heroin."


~ "But you're got these monkeys on your back and they're called gay sex..."


~ "Now that I've lost a family member we're stopping this? Hell no, we're truckin' on!" (An explanation of the short story The Lottery.)


~ "If you look at the Top 10 albums right now, I guarantee they're shitty albums. My opinion."


~ "I'm a jerk off. Just because I've been saying something for 20 years doesn't make it right."


~ "'OMG, Kevin Costner wants to come and talk to us about how to clean up the oil spill. He must have something to say.' Coincidentally, he did." (These last two were in explanation of the logical fallacy False Authority.)


~ "You're sitting at home with your buddy watching the 700 club, like I know you all do..."


~ "So, if Julie is a cross dresser, this changes the premise."
   "Got tricked by a tranny." (A student's response.)


~ "It's possible that you smoked too much crack."


~ "This is going to be my one opportunity to feel like a man today and I'm not going to because I know nothing about [basketball]."


~ "And I'm a dipshit when it comes to real world, practical skills."


~ "I fuck up everything."


~ "He says he's lost some part of himself. Well, where the hell does he expect to find it? Behind a bush?"


~ "You guys sort of jiggy with this?"


~ "OMG, we are bitchin'!"


~ "Put a gun to their head, kidnap their children, bribe them..." (In reference to help us figure out how to convince our readers in our last essay of the semester)

This is apparently how you get an A in my English class.
Needless to say, I got a B.

Memorable quotes from my French teacher (a sixty year old woman):


~ "But if I say be French... No, I can't say that." (Trying to give an example on commanding people to be something.)

This is what you get when you google search "be French".

~ "Now, if we're all interrogating this spy here..." (Trying to give an example of the plural form of a verb.)


~ "Why don't I tell you a few things to be *pfft* because I'm perfect. Why don't you tell me what to be." (Still searching for an example for how to explain commanding people.)


~ "So, the Germans are gonna drag you off and shoot you!" (Said after a student made a grammar mistake.)


~ "You didn't know it was masculine so I won't have the German's shoot you. I shouldn't say that, should I? I should say the Nazi's."


~ "When I was in France, I didn't have any cat. That's not better. Let's just move on."

This should solve my teacher's lack of cats problem.

~ "I just got nervous. I don't want the Germans to shoot me." (Said by a student reluctant to give an answer to a question.)


I, on the other hand, spent most of my semester planning two weddings... then cancelling both... then deciding to have the craziest most unbelievable wedding ever.  In between that, I spent my days in class writing down some silly quotes from teachers as well.


I spent my Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings at 9:00 AM listening to my Professor -who reminded me constantly of Tina Fey- ramble on about Art History for 50 fabulous minutes.  I say 'fabulous' because she frequently said naughty things that everyone was thinking but you never expected someone to voice.  She often oggled the nudes, but let's take a look at what she had to say:

~ "If he really liked the Queen, she would be killed and buried too- romantic." (Discussing Egyptian burials.)


~ "Athena knows if you do a half-ass job." (Describing why the Romans would sculpt such incredible details on the back of statues when only the fronts would show.)

~ "The Sleeping Satyr is erotic because he is drunk and passed out, and doesn't know you are looking at his crotch." (Self-explanatory.  The whole class was looking...)

You're welcome.

~ "Sort of like a webcam to God.  'That is absolutely delicious and I am going to steal it if you don't mind'..." (Imagining what the angel in the middle of "Three Angels Visiting Abraham" was thinking.)


~ "All lends to making the outside ugly so the inside can be breathtaking." (Explaining Buttresses and Flying Buttresses.)


~ "Yeah, here I am, naked.  Shall we have sex?" (Imagining what the Harem Girl must be thinking.)


~ "I have to come up with a way to say that that doesn't make me laugh - but I guess castration isn't funny at all..." (O.o)

My Monday and Wednesday afternoons from 4:00 to 5:20 PM, I could be found lounging about learning about the International Political Economy.  Our lovely professor brightened the subject with an occasional quip.

~ "Norms are fuzzy things." (I have no explanation.)

He is pretty fuzzy...

~ "I'm not building up my military to attack, it's just for defense." "Yeah, right..." (Playing both roles, and talking to herself.)


~ "Make theories talk to each other." (Attempting to clarify telling us how to study for the final.  No help at all.)


Bright and early at 8:00 AM on Tuesdays and Thursdays I got to listen to my INSANE religious studies professor ramble on about what was ruining our country, and what kind of a man Jesus REALLY was.  While reading these, bear in mind that this man considers Jesus his personal savior.

~ "Things cease to be relevant as we move forward in time- let it go.  They are following hollow ritual when the ship has clearly sunk and would rather go back to  where they came from than move forward because the future is scary." (Explaining Catholicism.)


~ "Compromise is necessary because purity is hard to maintain." (Talking about Eastern piety.)


~ "Somalia is the epitome of the absence of systems." (Learning about order.)


~ "What would Jesus do? Fly a fighter jet off a carrier and bomb the shit out of the bastards!!" (Topic was 9/11)


~ "Baseball is the best sport ever.  Cricket is OK.  Soccer?  What IS that?!  You hit the ball with your head." (Taking positions on religions that are similar to your own.)


~ "We could do away with so many of the world's problems if we all just had good manners." (Hates rude people.)


~ "I'm telling you you're a cocksucker and a motherfucker!" (Yelling at the class, to show what rage is.)


~ "I doubt Buddha was a Buddha." (No faith in anyone but Jesus.)

Which one is the real Buddha???

~ "Wow, you people need better math!"
   "You didn't say it was binary, we weren't thinking that deep."
   "You need to." (Telling us how we learn by association...)


~ "God taps Moses on the shoulder. 'Hey Moses.  Here, write this down.  In the beginning - NO, THE beginning, THE beginning'..." (The Bible was written by man, not literally passed down from God.)


~ "Some guy came down from the mountain and told me this so now I gotta do it - yeah let's all drink the kool-aid." (Interpretation of the Ten Commandments.)


~ "You ain't gonna tie no fucking bull to a plow unless you wanna die.  You ever been chased by a bull?  No?  Well let me tell you..." (*no explanation*)


~ "You can't be a little bit pregnant.  You either are or you aren't.  That is the definition of mutually exclusive."


~ "I'm open, show me.  I don't fucking believe this, but show me." (His definition of Agnostics.)


~ "He wasn't that lazy... I mean, he wrote all this shit." (About Chuangzi and his laid back philosophy.)


~ "Who else was alive in 500 BCE?"
   "Everybody else that was cool in the religious world!"
   "Yeah fucking right.  What about Jesus?"
   "Oh."


~ "If Bill Clinton could save all the people on Earth from suffering, would he?  Hell yes he would!  He would be the greatest fucking person on Earth!  He would be as great a Jesus.  How ambitious- he'd be greater than Jesus!" (In reference to IF ambition was a desire to be lost to save the soul.)

Directly after being cursed at by my 8:00 AM professor, I got and hour and twenty minutes of Government from 10:30 to 11:50.  Only partially through the course did I realize that I she was Canadian.

~ "Maybe if we ignore it, it will go away." (Slavery.)


~ "Now, I'm picking on Fox because they deserve it.  Fox is a fungus on the tree of Democracy."


~ "OK, we'll start off with pornography for the next class..." (Excellent way to assure attendance.)


~ "No race has a monopoly on being a a jerk." (On racism.)

Well, it is racist...

Nostalgia Part One: Spring

Spring, here in Arcata, looks rather similar to just about every other season around here.

Does this look familiar?

But, every few weeks, a day will come along and look like this:

Alright, maybe it never looks QUITE like this.

And when that once a month sunny day comes along, since it's so out of place, instead of seeming normal it takes us whirling back to our childhood. The second house we lived in, in Hidden Valley, is where we lived the longest in one place with my parents and therefore where most of my memories of spring are from. Here are some things we remember.








Our springtime memories may vary from yours.

So much green!

The first sign of spring was always the tall grass that grew in our backyard. It always seemed to just pop up overnight. Dad would always wait until after Easter to weed wack so that we would have tall grass for our annual Easter Egg Hunt. The grass was followed by...

Tiny mushrooms!

They grew everywhere and seemed to make our yard more magical.  Personally, I remember looking at everything in the spring from about an inch away. 

A lot of my childhood memories look like this.

I remember Bry and I frequently wandering our yard with a magnifying glass just so we could see things in more detail.

Should have just invested in a pair of these.

After mushrooms came clouds. Or, rather, breaks in the clouds. Magically, one day the sky goes from looking like this:

Granted, I've never personally seen it look like this...

To looking like this:

Bry thinks this looks like a crab.

You could always tell that spring had arrived when there were more and more patches of blue in the sky. Along with blue skies, harmless white clouds and grass comes:

Wildflowers!

(When I was six, someone told me it was illegal to pick poppies... That's not true, right?)
What grew in our backyard were mostly:

Red clovers!

And a TON of:

Miner's lettuce.

Not only is miner's lettuce edible (and delicious) but it added hours to our playing time outside before we had to go inside. If anyone was ever curious why Bry and I were so thin and healthy during our childhood, here is one reason. Instead of running inside for soda, cookies or other unhealthy snacks, whenever we were hungry, when we were in our yard playing, we just bent down and grabbed some of this stuff.


Once flowers started growing it was always time for:

Allergy season!

Bry and I seemed to be (and for the most part continue to be) allergic to everything in the spring. In our back yard we had two of these:

The damn trees in our yard made up for not producing fruit by
dropping enough pollen to build a person on our yard.

The trees would make it up to us by doing this once a year:

In case you were curious, yes, that yellow carpet of leaves is ridiculously fun to play in.

When Bry and I were in kindergarten and elementary school, our parents made our teachers keep us inside during the spring so that we couldn't play outside and aggravate our allergies. That's right, we were those kids. The ones they make fun of on tv. One day in kindergarten, while we were sitting inside like this:

We would have had more fun in a bubble.

The whole cafeteria broke out into a food fight and Bry and I were the only kids who didn't get in trouble. We'd just been sitting in our classroom eating green grapes. 

And now, we arrive at the last important part of spring:

We actually had a rabbit that looked like the one on the left.

Easter! Even though my parents raised us pagan they still had us celebrate (to a degree) Christmas and Easter. For us, Easter simply meant two things:

Our baskets were so much better than this.

First thing Easter morning, the three of us kids would wake up and start searching the house. Unlike Christmas, Easter was allowed to start before our parents woke up. Why? Because the night before, after we'd gone to bed, our parents would have spent up to an hour finding just the right hiding places for our Easter baskets. Since Alia was younger than us by five years, hers was always the first we'd find. It would be some place easy like in a cupboard behind some pots and pans. For Bry and I, though, sometimes we actually had to give up and wait until our parents took pity on us and told us where they'd hidden our baskets. Different years we gave up only to be told to look in the oven or in the car. (They were desperate for new spots by the time they used the car.)

Our baskets were hidden like the message in this Magic Eye.
Can you find it?

Now, our Easter baskets weren't like other kids' Easter baskets. Our baskets didn't just come with candy. Our baskets were the stockings of Spring. Like our Christmas stockings, our Easter baskets always came with a new toothbrush. Always. To this day, for Christmas and Easter our mom still gives us toothbrushes twice a year.  

That brings us to the last part of spring!

What's up with the boy holding a pillowcase and the girl with a paper bag?

Easter egg huts! When we were little, our parents used to just hide eggs in super obvious places around the house. This probably continued until Alia was two at which point our parents started hosting Easter egg hunts for our friends, too. It was always amazing fun. Dad would leave all the grass uncut until after the party so that it was extra hard to find the eggs. Our mom would spend about a month filling little plastic eggs with toys and miniature candy. At the end of the day, mom would make sure to count all the eggs we'd found in order to make sure we'd found all the eggs they'd put out. We never did. We would always end up finding a few throughout the rest of the year. My parents were pretty good at hiding those damn eggs.

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You're a dork if you understood that.